We have internet now… hallelujah. I don’t even know where to begin, I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve blogged.. and I feel like all you’ve heard about lately is the move, but there’s still a few more posts in the wings about it. Well… actually just two. Today’s and then a video blog where I show you the house, but… that would require me to actually get the very last of the boxes taken care of, which I have absolutely no desire to do. So, maybe that blog will be my motivation to actually finish unpacking. Anyways, today we’re going to talk about how Zoe handled the move {and therefore, how Brad and I handled the move}.
We knew, going into this move, that we were totally clueless as to how Zoe was going to react to it. Honestly, there’s just things that you can’t know until you’re walking through them. Our goal was to allow her to process things the way that she needed to, and just love her through it. We made it a priority to keep her schedule as routine as possible, and everything that could stay the same in her life, did. And while, I’m sure, that helped to an extent… our little girl had a relatively rough time with the transition.
It started, of course, with losing Hemmingway and the 2 cats within days of each other. Monday, after we took the cats to my parents Zoe was a mess. She started randomly saying, “Goodbye, I love you.” Repeatedly. In the car, in the bath, at the table…everywhere. At dinner that night she refused to use her utensils and requested to be spoon-fed, a request that continued for the next several days. She lost her mind if I walked out of the room, or she lost sight of me for a moment. It’s pretty safe to say that she thought either Brad or I were next. Oh, and foolishly, we made the mistake of trying to pack up some of her room when we got home from dropping the cats off… massive mistake.
Tuesday morning was probably the worst, for me at least. She saw a picture of Hemmingway and immediately looked away. I asked her if she knew who he was and she said, emphatically, “No.” I repeated the question about 7 more times before she finally said, “Nami.” And then I just tried to not cry for the rest of the day… which didn’t work. She still will not ask for him or really even talk about him. So, in order to prevent her from blocking the whole memory… which is what she was trying to do, I bring him up about every other day and tell her how much he loves her. Also, on Tuesday, because of the rough day Monday and our conversation that morning, we just up and left the house all day long. I’m talking from 9am until 7pm I kept us out of the house and busy, and I started telling her every hour “Mommy and Daddy love you and we’re not going to leave you. OK?”
From Wednesday until the move she switched up how she processed the change every day. Most days she was extremely attached to a baby doll. Sometimes she would help pack. Sometimes she would try to unpack. I focused on playing on the floor with her every day, talking about the new house, I’d go pick her up after she fell asleep so she could smell me. One night, I even woke her up to remind her that Daddy and I were here and we weren’t going anywhere. It seemed to help.
Friday, she spent the day with Janet during the move and came home to the new house Saturday afternoon… that’s when the real fun began. I don’t know when she stopped sleeping normally, but Saturday afternoon we went into tantrum mode over everything…everything. Which, in hindsight, was a walk in the park compared to Sunday and Monday.
Sunday morning, Zoe was up at the butt-crack of dawn calling out for us. Awesome. We did church like normal, went to lunch, came home, Zoe and Brad took naps… everything was normal… right up until after nap time. From 4-9pm straight we had a tantrum fest. In fact, she cried/whimpered for an hour after we put her to bed. Normally, bedtime is bedtime and we don’t go back in the room. But, because I knew that she was reacting to her life being flipped upside down, I was in and out comforting her. Towards 8:45, I asked if she just needed to be held and she said “Yes”. So, I picked her up and rocked her and she held on extra tight. I sang over her, prayed over her, rubbed her back and whispered how much we loved her. I told her she was safe, and prayed again that Jesus would be with her in her crib. When I put her back in her crib I told her, again, that we weren’t going anywhere and she could go to sleep… which, mercifully, she did. Brad and I were both beyond Code Red that night. Which, incidentally, doesn’t make for a functional husband/wife team. The tension was so thick in our house it was tangible. For the first time in our married lives, we went to bed fighting.
Monday morning, again, we’re up at the butt-crack of dawn with Zoe. Brad left for work and a minute later there was a knock at the door. He didn’t have his key and he didn’t have his wallet. In about 2 seconds he was tearing through the house dumping out boxes we’d brought over the night before… not exactly the best way to wake up. He found it and stormed out the door, and 10 minutes later we entered Tantrum Fest #3… for the next 4 hours. Honestly, at that point, I didn’t know who was going to make it out of the day alive… if you know what I mean. The reality is, Zoe just wasn’t sleeping and she’s 22 months old… So she was just acting like a 2 year old who didn’t get enough sleep. I told myself over and over and over again, “This too shall pass.” And “You are not going to let a 2 year old reduce you to tears, pull yourself together!” But, mostly, I just tried not to lose my mind {or my temper}.
Monday night, I left right after Brad came home from work for a women’s meeting at my old church and I could literally feel the tension in my shoulders. My friend, Laura… the same one who helped me move and unpacked my kitchen and the whole entire guest bedroom… came up and prayed for me. And, let me just tell you, there’s something to be said for friends who will come beside you and pray for you. By the time I came home, the whole house had turned a corner. Brad was much more relaxed, Zoe had a great night and went to bed fine, I could no longer feel tension in my shoulders… it was great. I held my breath though…
Tuesday morning, I had my family back! It was wonderful!!! Brad was chipper, Zoe was in a great mood and I was soaking in the beauty of this new house. Since then, it’s been business as usual… which is awesome. We’re settling in and figuring out our space here. I absolutely love this house, which is a wonderful feeling.
Happy Monday Ya’ll
Wow, I cried and cried about Zoe’s reaction to losing Hemingway. I know it must have been really hard on you. Really glad things are getting back to normal now. Happy for you to have a new house.
enjoy!!!!!!