Friday I paced up and down my hallway, staring out the window …. sitting in the room and staring out the window for hours… HOURS… don’t worry about the kids. I brought them in there with me. I kept people entertained on Facebook with my waiting for the UPS man posts.
It was 5:30, middle of dinner prep and a dance party in the kitchen when the doorbell rang.
By then, I was emotionally exhausted. Is that weird to say? It’s the truth though. I’d been crawling out of my skin all day long waiting… and I was exhausted. I was also quite frustrated. And thoroughly ecstatic.
And, may or may not have scared the UPS man. Serves him right for taking all damn day to get to me.
Brad kept the kids in the kitchen while I locked myself in the back bedroom/guest bedroom/office/where brad and I are sleeping and opened my camera… ever so carefully and slowly. Savoring each sweet moment.
I pulled out my new camera – a Canon 60D – and the last two months flashed through my mind. The day after my camera broke my very first client approached me and asked to book me for the following week. I said ‘yes’ with no idea of where a camera was going to come from. My father in law’s son overnighting me his camera to use for as long as I needed – crazy. Talking to God in the days leading up to Easter and just telling him how sad I was that I wasn’t going to have a picture of my kids on Easter – then walking into church and a photographer standing outside asking us if we’d like a family picture. I cried through that entire Easter service.
Derek’s camera showing up the day my sister came in town, and we kicked off a weekend that included her baby shower, my mom’s birthday, Slade’s dedication and Brad’s baptism. I’ll never forget that. Getting phone calls from my dad who researched cameras and sales for me, and Glen – who did the same thing. Saving every penny I could not knowing when it would ever be enough, my parents so generously supporting my dreams.
And then, driving home from the farmers market – windows down, radio up, singing at the top of my lungs – I had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to buy the 60D Glen had suggested a month before. I had my heart set on a 7D so my head immediately argued. But, I couldn’t shake it. So, I googled the difference and realized it came down to shutter speed and the weight of the camera body – turns out, neither one of those matter to me and so for a $500 difference, I could easily go with the 60D. I called Glen who got on the computer and found one for… are you ready for this…
ONE DOLLAR less than the amount that I’d saved combined with what my parents were giving me.
AND… AND!!!! It came with a 75-300mm lens… I’ll translate: a telephoto lens. Which I need. Amazing.
I held my camera in my hands and just let it all wash over me… so much gratitude. Such tangible love. And then, out of the clear blue sky – insecurity. It took me by complete surprise. I didn’t want to show off my new prize because it wasn’t the best on the market.
It’s not what REAL photographers shoot with. And, photographers can be a haughty bunch, especially about their equipment.
Before I knew it, I was second guessing everything I knew to be true about my decision to buy this camera. For a second. And then, I let go of it… all of it.
Because, here’s the truth: my camera is exactly what I need for right now and where I am as a photographer. It’s like a Ford Edge next to a Lexus. And that’s OK. Because that’s where I am right now. I’ll learn this camera inside and out until I can say, “Look at the type of pictures that I’m getting out of a 60D”. I’ll do photo shoot after photo shoot after photo shoot, learning something new every single time. Thrilled to the depths of my being that this is my job… that I’m living my dream. And then, when I need more from my camera than what it can give me… I’ll upgrade. But, until then…
This baby needs a name!
Happy Tuesday Ya’ll!