I was reading a blog the other day, The Glamorous Life of A Housewife, to be exact. I’ve maybe talked about this blog a time or two on here, but it’s written by this girl named Whitney, about my age, who has recently {3 weeks ago} expanded her family from 1 baby to 2. Something we’re going to do in a few short months. This chic loves being a stay at home mom. In fact, it was her dream all of her life. She’s not a craft blogger, and her home doesn’t look like it came off the front page of Pinterest. But, she thoroughly delights in her role as a stay-at-home wife and mother, loves creating a beautiful home for her family, and actually enjoys cooking for them. She thrives in her environment. Her blog, needless to say, has encouraged me immensely the past 20 months.
Monday, I was reading her blog like I always do and she was talking about how her mom came over to help her run some errands that needed to be done. Specifically, two errands located in the same mall, and her mom was coming along to help because she just had a baby 3 weeks ago. Ya’ll, after Zoe, I still could hardly WALK 3 weeks later, much less think about running errands. I did, however, drive to Texas 10 days postpartum, so that has to count for something… right? Anyways, these errands that she has to run, located in the same mall, end up taking just under 5 hours because of juggling life with a toddler who seeks adventure at every turn and a newborn who needs to eat. The whole blog, everything that she’s writing is speaking directly to my very biggest re-occurring fear {if fear is even the right word} about September. I know my simple life is about to turn into chaos, and I don’t exactly know how to process it. I mean, I’ll tell you how I am processing it in a little bit… but we’ll get to that. Anyways, at one point, she looks at her mom {this is right after she finds her toddler undressing himself in the middle of the Coach store while her baby is screaming because he has to eat…. or something crazy like that} and she says, “This is a CIRCUS” and her mother’s reply was, “Oh my darling, enjoy these moments. THESE are the best days of your life.”
I cried for 10 minutes straight. No joke. I’m crying now, just re-typing those words.
That sentence penetrated something deep in my heart, and I still can’t shake it. These days are filled with every type of emotional roller-coaster I can imagine. We’re up, we’re down, we’re happy, we’re throwing tantrums on the ground, we’re laughing hysterically, we’re pouting because the dog took his squeezy toy away, we’re cuddling on the couch, we’re looking defiantly into eyes and declaring “No!”, we’re thoroughly enjoying each others company, we’re declaring our independence and running in the other direction. More so, than any stage so far, I’m teaching/correcting/guiding constantly. My mind is being stretched in ways I never dreamed would be mildly exhausting, much less completely exhausting. I find myself coming up with ways to make climbing up and down the stairs super fun, ways to interject counting lessons and color lessons, I say “hello____” “goodbye ____” about 50,000 times a day. Some moments are spent trying to hurry Zoe through a task so we can just get out the door already, and other times {like last night} we see a whole flock of geese on the side of the road, and I pulled off quickly, whisked her out of the backseat, and we stood on the sidewalk for 5 minutes completely absorbed in seeing and hearing geese, watching them herd their babies, saying “Hello duck” “Hi duckie” “what does a duck say?” “aaah aahh” {she makes the actual sound instead of saying “Quack quack”}. We stood there until the geese went off to the lake and then we waved “Goodbye ducks” about 15 times and then all the way back to the car. It’s such a give and take right now…
And, come September, we’ll be doing all of the above {PLUS some} with a newborn. Sleep deprived. Nursing every 2 hours. Sleep deprived. Napping throughout the day. Did I mention sleep deprived? And I think, “How in the world am I going to do it? Will I survive? Will my marriage survive?” {Ok, obviously, I’m not exactly worried that my marriage won’t survive survive… but it’s more like, will there be a ton of stress on my marriage?}
The answer is “Yes.”
Of course I’ll survive. Of course my marriage will survive. Because I know this to be true, when I am IN the season, there WILL BE grace for the season. I don’t need the grace for a toddler and a newborn now, I don’t HAVE a toddler a newborn now… so the grace isn’t here yet. So when I let my mind wonder with the “How will I ever…”‘s there aren’t any answers and it all looks like chaos because I don’t NEED the answers right now. Will there be chaos in my house in the fall? Yes. Most definitely. Will it take some adjusting? Yes. Could that take months? Sure. Will we make it? Absolutely… because there will be grace.
In the middle of all of this, in the middle of crazy days with a toddler… I force myself to stop and just watch her. I watch her work a crowd, I watch her charm the socks off of anybody around her, I watch her laugh with unhidden delight when she’s around her best friend Elijah. I cherish the mispronounced words, the “Ga-pee” for “God Bless You” and “Nami” for Hemmingway. I love the way “I love you” comes rolling out of her mouth in a jumbled mess when she’s adding a name to the end of the sentence, but comes out a clear “I wub oo” when she’s just saying it. Actually, sometimes it sounds like “Owwwwl” and it’s music to my ears. This season with her is the best of the best, and my life is more fulfilled then I ever thought possible.
My prayer is that, come September, in the middle of the chaos I’ll be able to stop and say “THESE are the best days of my life.” My prayer is that I never settle for “making it through” but that I cherish this time with my kid{s}, this season of crazy. My prayer is that I open my arms up wide to this season, and embrace if for all that it is.
Happy Thursday Ya’ll!
