Monthly Archives: August 2012

Yesterday at noon, we made the decision to postpone the induction until next week in order to protect Slade as much as possible. Truthfully, it was an easy decision. Isn’t it always when you’re talking about the health of your baby? It’s like this switch inside you flips on and instantly, it’s easy to make a crystal clear decision that goes against everything you want and instead is everything your child needs. That’s not to say that walking out that decision is necessarily easy. No, the walk might still be quite hard, but the decision itself is easy.

Slade is teaching me selflessness.

He’s teaching me what sacrificial love looks like.

So many times since we made that decision, I’ve thought about how selfless a mother’s love is. Both naturally, and learned. For me to willing as to be pregnant for one day more than I have to be… well, you know what a statement that is. It’s also a natural one. But, to be at complete peace with the decision? To look at the last two weeks of bitchingthatI’mstillpregnant complaining, beggingGodtoPLEASEmakemegointolabor praying, searching the skies for a full moon because I have a greater chance of going into labor with a full moon, praying for thunderstorms, awkward sex, long walks, surrendering to still being pregnant and focusing on the 31st and learning to live with daily contractions but no labor…. and be thankful that I’m still pregnant? I don’t know if that’s a natural thing or if it’s a learned one. But, I do know that if I’d gone into labor like I wanted a week ago or two weeks ago, I’d have a newborn with no immune system in a house with a toddler who has pneumonia.

Yes, I might be pregnant for a few more days… and, today, I’m incredibly OK with that. Even thankful. Hindsight really is 20/20.

I’m also learning that there is nothing about motherhood that is convenient.

Zoe’s teaching me that one.

Two years ago, she showed up practically unannounced, a full two and a half weeks early. I wasn’t ready for her. Mentally. Emotionally. Logistically. But, nevertheless, she was here… and I just had to get on board with reality. But, then, my grandfather died on… wait for it… the day I would have been induced had Zoe not come early and I found myself in a car headed to Texas with a baby who wasn’t yet 2 weeks old. Again, hindsight. Had she waited, I wouldn’t have been able to be with my family to say our final goodbye to my Opa.

So many times, in the last 2 years, Zoe has thrown a wrench into something I had planned. That’s what kids do. They don’t ask when the best time to have a poop explosion is {if there ever IS a good time for that!!!}. They just have it, right as the plane is taxiing down the runway and you’re stuck in your seat for the next 10 minutes. They don’t ask when the best time is to cut teeth. They don’t make sure that your diaper bag is packed perfectly before they have a need that needs to be met RIGHT!THIS!SECOND!!! The list could go on and on… and every mother has a list that’s both specific to her children and universal to all kids.

Looking at it from one point of view, it’s the farthest thing away from “convenient” for Zoe to get pneumonia for the first time {hello, I’m still a first time mom here and that silent “p” word is freaking scary!!!}. Aside from a planned induction this week, it was a pretty drama filled week for my side of the family… the first part of the week saw lots of intense moments all on it’s own… without being followed up by a child with pneumonia. In fact, the first thing that I thought when she stumbled into my room 2 nights ago was “Wow. This is really not good timing.” But, you know what?

Maybe it is.

Maybe it’s not the timing that I would choose… but maybe it’s the exact timing that my family needs. I don’t know. I just know that at the end of the day, I trust that God does. I trust that His timing is perfect, even if it’s not convenient. I trust that He’s teaching me something in all of this that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise. And, if nothing else… this sure does make for a good story a few years down the road. {As does a poop explosion at take-off the very first time that you travel solo with your toddler!}

So… that’s where we’re at. Taking this one day at a time now, and just trusting that in the end… everything always works out.

Happy Friday Ya’ll!

Have a great Labor Day weekend!!!

PS. Maybe with postponing this induction I might go INTO labor ON Labor Day… how awesome would that be?? =) Or, am I the only one that thinks that’s awesome? I’m kinda dorky like that.

I had great intentions of doing a post yesterday and then a “Letter to my kids” today… and then life happened. Life in the form of a very sick little girl.

Tuesday night, in the middle of the night I was greeted at 1am by a little girl burning up with fever and coughing her lungs up. The thermometer read 102.2… and all I could think about was “Wow. Great timing.” I was up with Zoe for the next hour and then another hour after I put her down. Which, roughly translated, means I logged in my 3rd night this week of massive sleep deprivation. Have I ever mentioned how much I despise sleep deprivation? I do. I really really do. Zoe was back up at 6:30 and I got a text at 7:30 from my boss asking if I could come in the morning rather than the afternoon for my last day of work before Slade comes.

I tried really hard not to cry.

After a few phone calls, my wonderful mother in law was headed to my house to watch Zoe while I headed to the other side of town for work. As almost an afterthought, I called the pediatrician to see if they were going to want to see Zoe, because if they did, they needed to see her soon because I’m having a baby on Friday. On the way to work, I dropped a Diet Coke off to Brad. An act of love I do a few times a week. It’s a great way to steal a kiss in the middle of the day. I casually mentioned that I might need him for a Dr appt later and to not take lunch until he hears from me. He mentioned that I had the carseat in my car… but that never made it past just being an observation.

Roughly 5 minutes before I showed up at work {again, let me remind you, it’s on the clear other side of town} the Dr office called back. The only appointment that they had was at 1:30. Two hours into what would’ve been a 5 hour work day. Awesome. Let the phone calls commence. No less than 15 phone calls later, Brad was set to pick Zoe up from our house on his lunch break and take her to the Dr’s office 4 minutes away. But, to do so, a friend who happened to be in Ponte Vedra at the same time would need to get the carseat from my car and drop it of at my house. I would leave work as late as possible {taking what I didn’t get done home with me} to get to the appointment and relieve Brad who would then race back to work. Sound confusing yet?

Here’s the deal though, after a solid 30 minutes at work of complete stress trying to juggle all of this… once it all got figured out, I was able to breathe. You know? Honestly… this stuff just always works out. When I stop to breathe and can remind myself of that, it’s easier to just roll with it. Which is exactly what I’ve done since taking that deep breath. We’re just rolling with it.

Once at the appointment, I was the one who got the diagnosis {after Brad went back to work} that this could be a viral infection in her lungs or {because there’s crackling} it could be the beginning stages of pneumonia. Deep breath. The only way to know is to wait for a couple days. I’m having a baby in a couple days! We left with a prescription to fill if we needed it, a new prescription for breathing treatments, and epi pen thanks to Zoe’s allergic reaction to shellfish earlier this week, and an order for allergy testing to be done when life settles down a bit. I went ahead and made the executive decision to fill the antibiotic because we don’t have a few days to wait to see if this is just a virus. {For the record, in case you’re wondering, an antibiotic doesn’t do anything for a virus… which is why they told us to wait. If this is just a virus, I’ll be giving her an antibiotic for absolutely no reason. A chance I’m very willing to take this week.}

The rest of our evening consisted of filling prescriptions, grabbing dinner, stocking up the house with munchies for all the company that we’re going to have next week, and starting Operation Get Zoe Back to Health. Once we got her to bed, I finished up the work that I brought home. Did I mention that I got 4 hours of sleep???? By 10pm, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Plus, there was this little gut instinct that we wouldn’t be sleeping for most of the night and so I headed to bed to get what little sleep I was going to get.

Which, was 3 hours.

At 1, Zoe was standing beside my bed sobbing, flushed from head to toe, dripping snot, and burning to the touch. Her fever, this time, was 103.8…. I don’t know about you, but I don’t handle that number well. I flew into nurse mom mode and within minutes Tylenol was dispersed, cold drinks were poured, and we were in a lukewarm bath pouring water over Zoe’s head. This is the part where I’m just continually amazed by my little girl. Grown adults would cry in a lukewarm bath with a fever of 103.8, but my girl? She turned it into a game and laughed her way through it. I was so proud of her. We were up again until 3, and then I spent the rest of the night listening to her cough and cry over the baby monitor.

Today, after yet another call to the pediatrician {more this week than the whole rest of the year so far!} we’re hanging out on the couch. It’s not exactly the day I had planned for our last day as Mom/Only Sidekick… but you know what? That’s ok. It’s life….

And, you know what? Life is good.

Happy Thursday Ya’ll!

PS. If there’s time in the day, I’ll probably still write that Letter to my Kids and post it tomorrow before we head to the hospital. But, just a heads up… I probably won’t be posting the link on Facebook =) So, just come back and look for it.